Christian the lion

Week 16 of the 52 Week Challenge

I know I need to get better about actually posting on Sunday. A lot has been going on recently and I haven't felt the desire to keep a running log of it. Extra stress makes me collapse into a really good book and I hope to poke my head out once it's all over. So this week the challenge is to stop and smell the roses. I get this idea because my Real Simple from last month was all about time - more time for what you love, less time for the mundane, getting more time, and taking more time. It was a nice reminder that sometimes you just need a break - those precious five minutes where you just breathe in and be thankful that you're alive.

This is the best YouTube video I've seen in awhile. Check it out - here's the link in case embedding the video (see Christian the Lion post) doesn't work (never shows up on my computer so let me know if you can see it!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btuxO-C2IzE

A Lesson In Being Nice

I thought I was doing really great this week with this whole be extra nice to others thing... I hadn't written any mean emails, I had smiled at strangers... I had basically done a whole lot of not going out of my way to be super nice.

SP is having a cook out tomorrow. I had said I would bring a side dish. Since my computer died on Tuesday (lovely... thank God for work laptops) and I'm hoping to track my computer expert cousin down tomorrow morning I had to go to Kroger today. A part of me loves grocery shopping - just pushing the cart up and down every aisle and imagining all the yummy things I could make - the other part of me hates it and wants to get out of there as fast as I can.

The check-out people are always nice - asking how your day is, sometimes complimenting you on something, etc. But as I was leaving the man that packed all my groceries in my bag stopped what he was doing and said "do you have small kids at home" and he held out a lollipop. I smiled and said "no I'm sorry." Although why I apologized I'm not sure. He handed me the lollipop and still smiling said "that's ok, have a sucker anyway, it's Friday." I had replied that I hoped he had a great weekend. He told me his name and said to let him know if there was anything in the store he could ever help with and to have a blessed weekend, too.

It really made my day. It was so simple. And yet he didn't have to do that. He could have just said have a great weekend or hi... but this simple two minute if that exchange left me feeling happy. It actually even made me want to go grocery shopping there more often (shout-out Kroger)... And it made me think, how simple things like giving someone a lollipop is all you really need to do to step out of your box and be a little bit extra nice.

The thing that struck me is to do his job all he had to do was say hi and have a good day. He didn't have to give out lollipops (they don't say Kroger on them), he didn't have to offer help next time I was in the store. He simply had to do his job and smile occasionally. But he did more than that and that is what makes a difference. I hope that in my last two days of this challenge I can make a difference. That I can take that extra step to make someone else smile and maybe influence them to do something nice in exchange for nothing in return.

Week 15 of the 52 Week Challenge

I forgot to do this Sunday and with all the drama yesterday I didn't do it then either... so this week is appropriate I think and pretty easy. Be nicer.

Nice always gets a bad rap. You're looked at being the girl (or guy) that gets walked all over. Or maybe the second choice as in, girls may date the bad guys but they marry the nice ones. But we could all stand to be a little nicer. My mom always used to say to us growing up - if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

So this week, or what's left of it, I'm going to try to be nicer. Which means I won't type back an angry email to Maid (see previous post). I won't scream nastiness (even if it's just in my car) to the bad driver in front of me. And I'll try not to say anything unless I have something nice to say. This does not mean I'm going to let myself be walked all over and there are sometimes when you just have to stand up for yourself - but if that happens - I'll say it all as nicely as possible.

Oh and as for Maid, I did a trick that helps me vent, I typed up an email of all the bad and not so bad things I would say to her - starting with I want an apology for your rude and uncalled for behavior and I hit delete. Tip - if you are going to do said email to someone you know - don't actually type their email address in the to field. You may accidentally hit send and regret it later.

Going to the chapel and going to get married… but first… it’s all about the bride…zilla.

I try not to write about things happening in my life for fear that someone somewhere might get offended but today… well, I think it could be something everyone could relate to. Monday was going as planned until a friend of mine (let’s call her Bride) shot a group email out to her bridesmaids basically accusing us of not being her friends because we weren’t interested in planning or paying for parties for her. She then proceeded to kick us all out of the wedding while praising another bridesmaid (let’s call her Maid) for being the only one that cared. I was pretty much in shock.

Let’s rewind a bit…. A few months back I had sent an email to all of Bride’s bridesmaids and said hey – can’t wait to meet you… typical pre-wedding chatter, what are some of your ideas for the shower and bachelorette party. Maid responded with an email about trips to places like Vegas or Key West. Myself and a few other bridesmaids were a little taken aback. We were all for a fun girl’s weekend but the airfare and hotel for those types of places would kill us. I talked to Bride and she seemed shocked that Maid would write that to everyone and assured me she was fine with a beach trip somewhere more local or a night out on the town, etc. I wrote Maid back and she promised to look into other ideas and let us all know. Now at this point, to be fair, I probably could have offered to do the research or followed up with her, but she’s a big girl, I figured she would get back to us and I also felt like if she wanted help, she would let us know. So I dropped the issue. Bride’s wedding was a few months off.

So that brings us up to today. I get the email at 830 and like any friend (who can’t just call because of working in a cube), I swallowed my anger and typed back a respond all that I was sorry she felt that way, respected her decision but my budget would not allow me to go on crazy getaways but if she wanted to do something smaller we could do that and I was still planning on doing the shower, etc. A few minutes later, Maid responds that we don’t need to worry about it. She and Bride are going away together somewhere secret. Basically accuses us of being lazy bridesmaids that didn’t want to do anything other than go out in Richmond or VA Beach and puts everyone on blasts implying she’s the better friend and if we didn’t have the money we never should have agreed to be in the wedding. I’m sorry when did this become a bridesmaid competition? I swallow all the bile I want to type back at Maid – including where to shove her trip. And wait for Bride to respond. Which eventually she does… the thing is she never apologizes for the first email, or her rogue Maid’s email, her apology if we want to call it that was for the fact that we were bombarded with emails. And so this all leads me to the topic….

What is acceptable to expect of your wedding party?

Now we can go look at etiquette books about who does what, who pays what, etc. But let’s talk real world for a minute. I’ve been in two weddings, three if I count my own. And what is assigned by rules or etiquette to certain people and what actually happens are two different things. In my wedding, my mom and sister (matron of honor) threw my shower and no offense to my sister but it was at my mom’s so I’m assuming she took on the brunt of the work and costs. My bachelorette party was coordinated by all my maid’s but we stayed in my house, went out local, and instead of a limo (I had said it was too expensive) my pregnant sister drove us around in her jeep. But it was fine. It was more about being with my girls, hanging out, laughing, drinking, dancing… having fun. K – who I sent the email to – agreed with my just having fun with friend’s statement. His bachelor party was in NJ at his parent’s beach house but he said he never expected or asked any of the guys to pay for anything (of course with guy’s there is never even half the drama as with the ladies). It wasn’t a crazy Hangover style trip. My other wedding experiences – pretty similar. It wasn’t about what you could pay/give to the happy couple – it was about hanging out. My friend J in NJ her bachelorette party was dinner out with the girls and her shower – I couldn’t even make it because I had to drive home that day. And the thing I remember most about J’s wedding was she was always concerned with how much we had to spend. She let us pick the bridesmaid’s dress that we wanted and I selected a floor-length halter. When the David’s Bridal girl announced the price (I can’t remember now how much but I’m thinking $250 to $300) she kept asking if that was ok, did I want to look for something else, etc. Now we can’t all have as easy going of friend’s as J – although I wish!


My idea, and I could be off, for a wedding, is for the bride to take into account who her friend’s are before she sets her expectations for the pre-wedding celebrations (and even for that day). If you’re Jennifer Anniston and all your friends are multi-millionaires then yeah a week in Paris and designer bridesmaid’s dresses isn’t a big deal. If you’re an average Jane Smith and you’re friends are in their mid-late twenties with average jobs then maybe you need to scale back your expectations.

Your bridesmaids are your bridesmaids – they are there for you that day, to help with minor wedding planning, to help plan pre-wedding festivities, etc. they are not your servants or your punching bags. It’s simply not acceptable to turn all bridezilla on them and force them to cut their hair, get fake tans, lose weight, etc (I know this happens – I’ve seen the show Bridezillas and what those people put their so-called friends through is ridiculous).

Bridesmaids are expected to buy a dress that they will never wear again but said dress should be somewhat reasonable in costs. My experience is the dress is typically going to run with alterations right at or under $500. Bridesmaids are also expected to plan some sort of shower (although in my experience the mom’s and family typically help), some sort of bachelorette party, buy shoes for that day, although not a requirement hair and/or make-up for that day is usually expected. In addition, to any gifts, photos, etc.

And if the bride has a problem with a friend's behavior, pick up the phone. You liked them enough to ask them to be in your wedding so you should have the balls to call them when you have an issue. It's all about communication and I'm a firm believer that emails and IMs (and yes, blog posts) don't always do justice to what can be said face to face. You're much more willing to write things that you wouldn't dream of saying to someone's face and your words can be misread as being nastier than you meant.

Am I missing anything on expectations? What has your wedding experience been? Am I out of line on the trip?

As for the situation above... Maid, I've debated sending her a nasty-gram back but that serves no purpose and as S said - take the high road on this one. Lets just say if I ever do meet her I'm not planning to be BFF's and a cold shoulder might be in order. And as for Bride, I'm not sure what I want to do. I know weddings are stressful times and all the planning can make even the most level-headed bride crack every now and then but at the same time I feel attacked by Bride and Maid and an apology is in order. I've asked Bride to meet me for coffee to talk but as of yet she's refused and I've got a meeting in a bit so I can't call her tonight.

So today's lesson - brides be nice to your bridesmaids - at one point you were friends. And everyone out there, don't send nasty-gram emails in the heat of the moment because you might regret it later.

Book Club Update

So book club was amazing - we had two new people show up - yay! I always get excited to think how far we've come in a year... just that we're still meeting is a huge accomplishment. So next month is my month - we're a little off because of adding some new members so I get to pick again pretty quickly. So I picked The History of Love... As always read along if you like and let me know what you think.

Do You Want Fries With That Shake?

I get a little fired up about people not taking responsibility for their actions. Hey, be a man (or a lady) and fess up to your actions. Case in point, CNN had a story today about has the fast food industry gone too far? Basically, so you don’t have to read it the story talks about all these really fattening foods that fast food places have come out with. KFC being the most recent offender with a bunless sandwich which is two slices of fried chicken, cheese and bacon. Needless to say the thing is loaded with calories and fat. But hello, did anyone think eating fast food was good for them? I didn’t think so. You know eating fast food is bad for you and we do it anyways and then when we’re fifty pounds overweight we’re whining about how it’s McDonald’s fault… Really? Did Ronald hold a gun to you head and make you eat those French Fries?

It’s not just fast food, our country takes a stance against anything that could be potentially harmful because they think we’re a country of brainless idiots who among other things don’t know that smoking could cause lung cancer (better make sure Big Tobacco can’t advertise that will stop people from smoking), that eating junk will lead to obesity (lets tax fast food restaurants – that will make people think), that drinking excessive amounts of alcohol leads to bad behavior (prohibition anyone?).

Now, don’t get me wrong… I’m all for programs that educate people about the dangers of all these things. Go for it, cram Truth commercials down my throat. Start programs to get people to start exercising. Post food pyramids. And I don’t think people should be eating a ton of empty calorie foods while smoking a pack of cigarettes, drinking a case of beer and driving without a seatbelt… (By the way don’t drink and drive)… BUT if people choose to eat French Fries everyday it’s not my problem that they’re four hundred pounds. And nothing makes me madder than the people who do all those things and then whine about how they’re obese, have lung cancer and liver problems. Really???? Who says the line - you can't fix stupid?

Maybe my problem is I’ve always been the type that can just walk away from food. Sure I crave a good burger sometimes or a glass of wine (no cigs here) but I know that everything is better in moderation. Self control people.

So CNN, in the answer to your question, has the fast food industry gone to far? Probably but is it our place to step in and shake our head at them and say “bad KFC for selling fat” – I don’t think so. Money speaks louder than a bunch of complainers on CNN’s wall jumping up and down about how bad the fast food industry is. KFC can make all the bunless fried chicken sandwiches they want that doesn’t mean you need to rush out there and buy five of them for lunch. If no one buys the junk the company’s won't keep making it. It's all about the dollar and if what they're selling doesn't sell then they'll rethink their business plan.

Maybe we should really be shaking our heads at the parents that think an okay meal is two pieces of fried chicken washed down with a soda. I don’t have kids but I know enough to know that it starts at home. My parents didn’t let us eat junk food, no sugary cereals, limited candy, no soda, limited fast food (like maybe once a month). And you know what? I don’t eat that stuff now. I can’t even tell you the last time I had ice cream in my freezer, I don’t crave sugar like a strung out druggie, I rarely drink soda. I still eat healthy and drink loads of milk like they said. Am I perfect? No. I love Ukrop’s fried chicken like no other. Pizza and take-out Chinese are on my phone's speed dial. But I know I can’t eat it that stuff every day or every week. My parents told me not to smoke or drink. They told me to eat veggies instead of chips. But they also led by example. They practiced what they preached and that’s the biggest lesson of all. Sure you can say kids don’t listen to their parents but I will say some of those lessons stick. And the others, sometimes you have to try things for yourself and figure out that maybe mom and dad were right.

Moderation is key people. I will jump up on my soap box and scream it over and over. You know what’s bad for you and what’s good for you. Make smart decisions. And own up when you make bad ones. It’s not anyone else’s job to moniter and protect you from all the baddies out there. Sometimes you have to put on your big girl panties and think for yourself.