Week 8 of the 52 Week Challenge

This one is another easy one. Try one new recipe this week. Go through a cookbook and pick something you've been dying to try or google something your favorite restaurant makes and figure out how to do it yourself.

Since getting my house along with home improvements, cooking has become something of a hobby. I'm not going to pretend I'm a great chef and I don't make anything fancy but I've learned it's ok to just try and if it doesn't come out so great there's always Papa John's.

So get out there and make something new! And be sure to keep me posted on what you make - I might want to arrange a recipe swap!

Week 7 Update - Giving Back

We all know giving back is important. It's not even all about the money although it would certainly help a lot of people right now. It's about doing what you can to help out something you believe in. So far I've donated money to both my undergraduate college and my graduate university. I'm debating donating money to the humane society (I entered C into a contest but you have to pay to win).

Today after work I had to run errands, one of them being going to the library to pick up a few books. One of the librarians and I got into a conversation and she mentioned that they heard there were budget cuts and they didn't know if that meant people would get laid off or if they would cut hours or close the library an extra day. This got me thinking about trying to figure out a way to help in my community. I don't know how and maybe there isn't anything I can do but I love that library. I've been going since I was a kid and I know a lot of the librarians just from stopping in so often. I need to do some research but my conversation really got me thinking. Just thought I'd throw it out there to all of you. Any ideas how I can help?

Just One Look

Stores fall into four categories for me.

Madly in Love - the name says it all. If these stores were people we'd be bff's. We get each other. I seek them out.

Deep Dislike - these are the stores (obviously) that I would rather get a cavity filled than venture into. Or the stores I didn't click with.

Ambivalent Acquittance - Take it or leave it. These are the stores that I don't feel strongly one way or the other.

Why did I describe this to you? Because when I'm am ambivalent acquittance it's pretty hard to win me over. I might walk into your store occassionally and look around but I don't crave what you sell. You don't have top of mind for me when I'm thinking about what I need next.

I just spent the last few days up in NJ celebrating a belated Christmas. It's not bad to spread the holiday out a bit but I will say it loses some of its charm when you take away the ceremony, the tree and all the fattening food. Anyway... NJ is my favorite place to shop - you get all the trends of NYC but minus the mobs of people and the sales tax. I plan my shopping up there days out - which places I have to go to and which I'm on the fence about.

This brings me to J. Crew. J. Crew falls solidly into ambivalent acquittance - I have a few things from there but for me they always fell squarely into a more expensive version of the Gap for me - aka old-school preppy with boring khakis and button ups. I have K to thank for my latest obsession (and by obsession I mean stalking J. Crew's website and trying to figure out if I should wait until summer to order stuff or just head out to the mall now). We were at the Outlets and K had to go to the bathroom. It's too cold to wait outside and J. Crew was next to the restrooms so I said I'd wander in there thinking even khakis can hold my attention for a few minutes.

I walked into a summer in Key West - bright colors, cute sundresses, shorts and tops that had me drooling. I didn't actually get anything - I can't justify paying full price for shorts that I won't wear for another few months but they really got me thinking (and obsessing).

So thanks to http://www.jcrew.com/ for the following spring/summer loves to get us through this chilly post-work Friday.

I Go Back...

I was thinking today as I dream about possible vacation spots about some of my favorite memories so I thought I'd share a bit.

The smell of Irish Spring soap always makes me think of the beach house in Manasquan. K's mom always has Irish Spring soap in the outdoor shower. So now, every time I smell it I am transported back to lazy summer days at the shore. It's probably one of my all time favorite US beaches (I have to say US because nothing competed with the sugar sand of Cancun or the tropical paradise in Bermuda). It's just a quiet family beach with cute little houses. K and I like to walk up and down the beach at night dreaming about which beach-front home we'd buy if we won the lottery. With only a handful of bars and no boardwalk it's a far cry from the hard partying Seaside Heights of Jersey Shore fame.

Fresh pineapple and white chocolate cookies remind me of Disney World. On our second trip we stayed in the Polynesian (which if you're going to go and if you have the cash I would highly recommend). All day, everyday there were cookies and fresh pineapple out to eat. I don't think I've ever eaten so much pineapple in my life.

There's the feeling of accomplishment that rings inside me every time I look at my photos in Mexico. K and I took a tour to Chichen Itza a Mayan ruin near Cancun. Sure it was hot (it's the middle of July in Mexico we didn't expect anything else) but it was so worth it. One of my favorite pictures from that trip is one we took of the two of us on top of the pyramid. We're slick with sweat, our faces are red but we're smiling. If you go, you have to climb it - sure it's a little scary (no handrails, a hundred people swarming around the top of a pyramid) but the view is amazing.

The funny thing is I remember a lot of vacations for things that went wrong.

The trip to the Poconos as a kid for one. My dad found this "cabin" at a "resort" so we packed up and went. I remember someone saying what's with all the tool sheds (or maybe my mom said outhouses) when we drove in... surprise that's your cabin. It was literally like someone had taken a tool shed, made an addition of a bathroom and a second bedroom and slapped a bunch on the hill. There was even a crack around the door where you could see outside between the room my sister and I shared and the bathroom. Not to mention the air conditioning was only in my parent's room - so they were freezing and we were blistering hot, the 7,000 stairs to the dining hall, the indoor pool that smelled funny... but we had fun. We went sight seeing, we played a lot of shuffleboard (I could probably beat any 70 plus year old Florida resident still), we road bikes.

Then there was the trip to Tennessee where the van key got stuck in the ignition and we were stuck at the Casey Jone's Train Museum for what seemed like half a day. It was 300 degrees in the shade, the only locksmith was an hour away, and the museum (while I'm sure is quite lovely) loses something after the first hour or so. I remember my parents took turns with us inside the gift shop while someone else stayed with the van. I still have a framed antique postcard of a guardian angel that I bought there though.

That's all my reminiscing for now - what were your favorite or most memorable vacations?

Wasting Away Again In Margaritaville

Well not quite but if I get to go on vacation this year that's my plan. Here's the thing - I don't know where we should go. We had talked about going with friends this year to Vegas and/or California for a week (maybe a little longer). I'm afraid though that their budget isn't in the same ballpark as mine - as in I want to stay at the Best Western and they want to stay at the Ritz. So my other option is to plan something alone. I'm thinking maybe Miami and Key West.

So here's my thought for all of you - what should I do? Go along with the original plan - which was either Vegas and LA or LA and San Francisco. Do plan b which we're thinking would be Miami and Key West. Or plan c - which is something else altogether - stay home and save money, mini-vacations, or where should I go?

Here's my thing with vacations. I love them. First off you have to be crazy not to. It's like summer vacation in some exotic location where all you have to do is sight see, eat and drink (margaritas are optional). I would save all year for a week somewhere fun.

I'm lucky enough my parents took us to a lot of places in the US growing up and K and I have gone on a few nice vacations (Bermuda and Cancun would be my two favorites with him). But somehow it was easier when your parents planned the vacation. All I had to do was pack and get in the car. Now, it's searching travel sites for ideas, reading books on what there is to do there, getting advice (good and bad).

I like hearing where other people suggest going but I hate hearing that a place I really want to go is a bad idea. Half the time, the person hasn't even gone to that place it's just something they heard from some email chain or some acquaintance somewhere it wasn't fun. If someone told me they wanted to go to Iran for vacation I would probably think in my head - what do you have a death wish - but would smile and say something like oh that should be interesting. I don't get why you have to say "I would never go there." Well, I didn't ask you to go so it shouldn't be a problem.

However, let's say I really want to go to VA Beach and stay in a hotel you know is a dive then speak up. I have no problem with real advice - like I went to xyz and don't eat here, or you have to see this. I think that's being helpful. I wrote a long email to K's brother about places to go in Bermuda.

The problem with advice is what I like to do might not be what you like to do. For our honeymoon we picked Aruba. We were there a long time - maybe too long if that's possible. It was perfectly fine, I don't hate it but we went for a few reasons but one reason was a friend bragged up and down about how great it was. We had built it up so much I don't think the real Aruba could compete. I liked it but I felt like there wasn't as much to do and I didn't like that you couldn't lay on the beach without trying to brave a sandstorm.

I know from experience K is the beach bum, happy to lay by the pool or the ocean all day. I'm the explorer. I need five magazines to get through an hour at the pool. I like to be doing - I think that's why Cancun and Bermuda were better picks for us - I felt like there was more to do outside of the beach and shopping. (Another thing about me is I may love to shop under normal conditions but not on vacation -I feel like unless it's a local store I can get all of it at home so I'm wasting my time).

Part of me is leaning towards Florida - its certainly cheaper and it could be fun to spend a few days in Miami then head down to the Keys. The other part of me is dying to go to California - I've never been there for one and LA and San Francisco just sound like a big adventure. Vegas I could take or leave. I'm not much on gambling and I don't have the money for shows every night.

So where would you go on vacation? Where should I go?

Week 8 of the 52 Week Challenge

This one should be easy. Give back. Find something you believe in and donate your time, your money, anything. I'll even go easy on you and count clothing donations to the Goodwill. I personally already wrote a check to my undergraduate and just printed the form to write a check for my graduate university as well. I'll keep you posted if I do anything else... I do have a few bags of spring cleaning that need to make their way to the good will.

Getting Started: Elementary Branding

I went to my writing group Wednesday and it always leaves me with a ton of topic ideas. Since make-up reviews aren't for everyone and I'm postponing doing other things. Let's discuss one of them.

The writer suggested creating your brand and someone in the class asked what is a brand? I'm not going to kid myself and say I'm a brand expert but I studied brands in school and just went through a brand tweak at work for the last year and a half so I think I can at least give an elementary overview of the topic.

A brand is a lot more than a logo and color, it's more than who the company says they are, it's also what the customer thinks the company is. A brand is a living breathing thing and always changing. Company's do their best to manage their brand but in my opinion the brand is nothing if the customer's don't agree.

For example: I could own XYZ Coffee shop. My idea of what I am is I have low prices, friendly service, and lots of books and magazines people can just sit around hanging out. I could talk to my customers and find out they think Starbucks is cheaper (wow!), that the magazines and books are beat up and old, and the customer service just ok. Obviously what I think I am is not what everyone else perceives.

I would really suggest if you're serious about branding yourself to read up on the topic. Read books on branding, websites on branding, look at company's brand books. Obviously if you're branding yourself as a master blogger or a great writer you don't need a 100 page brand book but you should have something written out so you can concisely tell people the different aspects of your brand.

I would suggest figuring out what makes you different, what are you trying to sell and how does it relate to others. I think Target and Nike do awesome jobs.

Nike is trying to sell exercise clothes and shoes, their slogan is "Just Do It". It's all about how buying their stuff will help you just get on with your life and tackle your next big race or win that tennis game. You can show someone their logo and people instantly know who they are. But they back it all up with a great product. They could have done the same thing and had shoddy shoes that gave you blisters and fell apart mid-race. Do you think people would have the same respect for them?

Now you all know my love affair with Target. Target quickly positioned themselves as (I'm going to say) the anti-Walmart. A big box store with great customer service, low prices (but they didn't hinge on this as much), everything you could ever want but more upscale. You know the bulls eye. You know the dog. You know the red shirts. It's all part of their brand. It's all part of their overall brand. They're building an expectation and meeting it (I think).

Walmart (if you haven't noticed) has been desperately trying to re-brand themselves - new logo, new colors, the store near me was redesigned. The thing is for me they can't bounce up and down and yell about how upscale they are and how they aren't just a low-priced boxy warehouse with unhelpful employees but for me I'm not going to set foot in the store unless I absolutely have to - I've had too many bad experiences. Their brand to me is cheap prices, unhelpful employees, warehouse feel, and NOT WORTH IT. I'd rather pay $2 more and stay safely tucked away in Target.

So you're probably saying? What does all this mean?

1. Find out what makes you different. Write a mission statement, your values and your vision and then you can start working on your brand. Your brand will reinforce your mission and values and help you reach your vision.

2. Come up with a mini-brand book. If you're a writer - I would suggest knowing a font you want to use in your book (different fonts have different readability, come across meaning different things). The brand book should spell out what you want and what you don't want. For example, at work we want life-style photos in our ads (people living their life) not just shiny-happy people (you know the glassy-eyed stock photos of someone holding say an apple and smiling like they just took a fistful of anti-depressants).

3. Be rememberable. Use what makes you different and become top of mind to people. As I said a logo is part of a brand but flash up say the Target bulls eye and there is a feeling associated with that (perhaps joy that everything I could ever want was crammed into one big building). You want people to look at something you do and instantly associate with you. A test I like to do at work, is cover up our logo/or anyone's logo and say - can I tell who is advertising this? Is it immediately clear that this is Nike, Target, The Limited... etc.

4. Be good at what you do. Become a source for what makes you different. Put yourself out there. You can't be a brand if no one knows who you are.

5. But limit yourself to only things that fit your brand strategy. Don't participate in things that don't strengthen who you are. I don't like her but Paris Hilton does a pretty decent job of branding herself - she participates in things that enhance her image as a carefree party girl. She goes to club openings, sexy commercials, etc. You don't see her on a poster for Free the Whales or giving talks about the state of the nation.

Make-up Review: Almay

Ok I can't write the whole product name in the title because it's like three thousand words long. Seriously. Ok so this review is for Almay Intense i-color powder shadow trio for greens [eyes]. What? I don't have green eyes... I bought this one because the one for brown eyes was gross and this one was greens and purples.

So what does it look like? It's three shadows - a light green, a dark green and a dark purple. I was on a kick of getting something that I don't already have and it was also free with the mascara purchase see here.

I will have my disclaimer here - I've tried it twice. One, I don't wear green eyeshadow a lot and two I've been super lazy recently and been using my Bare Minerals Heart (purple color) and Blush (pink color) shadow. Super pretty if you just need some quick color. So anyway, yesterday I tried again.

Here's what I've found each time. The shadow goes on bright (as in wow are you wearing green eyeshadow?) but quickly lightens and a creases by the end of the day. You could say why don't you wear eyeshadow primer? My answer, I don't wear primer with any of my other shadows and they don't crease. I usually run concealer over my eyelid and then powder to set - my other brands are always okay with just this and frankly and I don't want to add the costs or time of primer to my list.

Bad: the eyeshadow fades and creases.

Good: The colors are really pretty - however the creasing and fading is annoying - I don't like looking like Mimi from Drew Carey in the morning just to have color by 5 pm. I'd probably try to find similar colors in other lines next time.

Price isn't bad - I can't remember how much it was since mine was free but I want to say typical drug store line $8 range.

My advice? I can't say buy it - I don't feel like it held up. Eyeshadow to me should pretty much stay put. It's fairly inexpensive so if you want to try it with primer be my guest. I would rather invest my money in products next time that I know have staying power - I know Clinique and Bare Minerals both have greens and purples in their lines.

Weekly Challenge Update

So I know SP has done something nice this week - she told her neighbor that their car lights were on. What have you done? Are you sitting around not doing anything nice without thinking about how it will benefit you? I hope not!

So this is what I've done (it's nothing major but that's ok):

1. I bought a King Cake for Maudi Gras to surprise K. He loved it. He had never had it before and wanted me to get another one - too bad they're only out once a year.

2. I cooked dinner Tuesday night. Usually I wait for K to get home and ask him to help me - I will say this one was partially because I was starving but I did cook and clean up with no help and no "I did all this and you're just sitting around..." talk.

3. I let a guy out of his parking lot on the way home earlier this week. Normally I stare glassy eyed ahead and try to breeze through yellow lights. I slowed up and felt good that I was putting out all these good vibes.

4. I'm letting my mom borrow my work-out DVD. This is big for me - I hate sharing. I have this irrational fear that I'll give you my DVD (or whatever) and never see you again. That and my mom made me share as a kid ("it's nice to share" she used to chant at me) so now that I have a choice I'm the kid screaming "Mine" anytime someone gets close to anything semi-precious. So this is pretty big in my universe.

So I think I'm off to a good start.

Movie Review: Rear Window

I haven't done one of these in awhile. I've been too tired and honestly I fall asleep or don't pay attention to half the movies we rent.

I love old movies. I'm not sure why. I think it could be because my parents used to make us watch them growing up. Or maybe my love of Audrey passed over to other movies in her generation. Whatever the reason, I flooded K's Netflix with classic movies (lets be honest here the new movies recently have not been that good).

So the first one to arrive was Rear Window with James Stuart and Grace Kelly. The brief summary would be: Jeffries (Stuart's character) has broken his leg and spends his time looking out the window of his apartment into the lives of all his neighbors. What a concept - I mean who hasn't at one point or another "spied" on their neighbors. Be it listening to your upstairs neighbor on the phone or looking out the window as your neighbors scream at each other across the street. There's something so deliciously naughty about the concept and the fact that most likely you won't get caught.

Jeffries comes to believe that one of his neighbor's has been murdered by her husband. And I'll leave it at that. I don't want to give it away!

It's not my favorite movie and it's not even what I expected. I was thinking more along the lines of hiding under a blanket scary. The movie is a suspense. Did the neighbor kill his wife? Is Jeffries going to be found out? But that being said I liked it.

I will say I thought Kelly was a bit stiff. Maybe it was the character. I never fully believed that she and Stuart were meant to be together or in love. I'm not sure Jeffries even believed - he spends part of the movie trying to break up with her. I also never believed she'd give up her plush apartment to traipse around the world with Jeffries (who was a struggling photographer).

I will say I was surprised that Kelly's character talks about spending the night with Jeffries. The movie was made (according to Netflix) in 1954. I would have thought "good girls" were not spending the night at their boyfriend's apartment in the fifties. You never actually see them in bed together (sleeping - get your mind out of the gutter!) but she tries on a nightgown for him and says she's staying over. Who knew the 50's were so risky.

Interesting tidbit: Hitchcock (the director) always has a cameo in his movies. Look for him near the begining in the piano player's apartment. He's dusting a clock on the mantel and turns towards the camera for a moment.

So overall, 3 stars out of 5. I know I'm probably in the minority - people all over Netflix were rating it all fives. I think it's one of those movies you have to see but I wouldn't say it was my favorite "classic" movie.

Oh Baby!

Ok so I think my post yesterday came across a little anti-baby and I'm afraid my mom might read it and have a heart attack or something. So here is what I'm going to say on the topic.

1. I don't hate kids. I just don't want any of my own right now.

I think a lot of people have kids without thinking it through (see Teen Mom, Sixteen and Pregnant for references). They're people that for whatever reason: poor planning, the biological clock is a ticking, whatever, that don't think through the whole baby thing and then the baby arrives and surprise - I didn't know babies stayed up all night crying, I didn't know babies costs more money, etc. It's like they live in this dream world and when the bubble breaks its up to everyone else to clean up the pieces.

So here's my thoughts on when you should/shouldn't have kids:

1. When you're unselfish enough to give up things you love so they can do things they love. This is big for me. Children, like dogs, have their own likes and dislikes. I can't force C to do things she doesn't want to do and it's not fair to her to lock her up 6 days a week so I can play with her for an hour on the 7th because it suits my schedule. A baby/child is the same way. This is a living breathing human being with their own needs, likes, dislikes, etc. You can't just keep running around doing exactly what you want to do with no thought to what they want to do. You have to sit through boring dance recitals and help them learn the Declaration of Independence. So if you have any ounce of selfishness still left - I don't think now is the time.

I know some people are going to argue that you'll change but most people I know don't change so....

2. You have money. My dad always says if you wait until you can afford it you'll never have kids. Yes, that's true. BUT if you're strapped for cash and don't know where your next meal is coming from then maybe you should wait a year or two to get back on your feet, save up some money. Come on, a year or two won't kill you and you'll probably be glad you waited. You'll be able to enjoy the baby more and stress about finances less.

3. You have to really want one, not do it because it's the "next step." I talked a lot about the plan yesterday. And I think a lot of couples think there are natural steps to a relationship. You meet. You date. You get engaged. You get married. You buy a house. Now what? I need a big life event that I can tell all my friends about.... oh I know let's have a baby. Stupid reason. If you're not ready a baby is not the next step for you at this point.

4. All your friends are doing. Great reason. And if all your friend's jumped off a bridge - would you? Don't let them peer pressure you into baby fever. Ask yourself - are you wanting a baby because holding theirs for two hours is super cute and fun and you can go to Mommy and Me classes together or do you want one because you really want.

5. You both want to take the baby plunge. I don't believe in tricking someone into have kids. You're going to end up with a resentful partner. So make sure - are you both on the same page.

There are probably more reasons but I don't have time right now. My main point is no one else can decide for you when is the right time. And they shouldn't peer pressure you into it because of some clock they have in their head. It's not that I hate kids. I'm realistic enough to know at this point in my life they don't make sense for me.

The Plan - Are you a follower or do you do you do your own thing?

Can I tell you something that annoys me the most? People asking about your relationship and not in a caring how are things going way but in a nosy next door neighbor way.

It never ends. When you're dating you're going to get the question - when are you getting engaged. When you're engaged - its when are you getting married. When you're married - it's when are you having kids. When you have a baby - it's when are you having more kids. Back the F off people.

Here's how the plan goes: Boy and Girl go to college. They meet at college or shortly there after. They both have successful jobs, nice places to live, lots of money, lots of friends. Shortly after dating (let's say 6 to 12 months) they're engaged. They quickly plan a wedding (within a year) and are married. They go on a fabulous honeymoon. They sell their bachelor pads and buy a house in the 'burbs with a picket fence and dog. Six months after they get married they happily announce with ultrasound photos or a Facebook post that they're expecting. They are quickly on their way to the 2.5 kids in no time.

Writing your own story is more of a chose your own adventure - you may or may not go to college, you may or may not meet "the one" right away, you may or may not get married, you may or may have kids.

People get very nervous if you don't follow the plan. They start to ask you questions. I've come up with a few reasons why they harass you... um I meant...ask you:

1. They're your close friends and family and generally care. These people if they ask constantly are still incredibly annoying.

2. They are just nosy as hell and want to know what you're doing so they can gossip to everyone else they know about you.

3. They want to feel better about their own choices.

I've timed it, you can date about a year maybe two (a little longer if you're in school) before people will ask when are you getting married. If you go longer than about four they're probably going to give up on you or ask with hints of desperation - "don't you want to get married?" Once you're engaged, if you don't set a date and start whipping out bridal magazines every chance you get - you're probably going to get "well when are you going to set the date." And once you're married you have about six months to a year before you will get "when are you having kids".

I've fallen safely into all three categories. Why? Because K and I choose the adventure path. We don't follow the plan of relationships. In our defense we met in college, our first years dating we were in school, living with parents, starting out etc. There are people from our graduating class who have already been married and divorced in the time it took us to get married. Now that we're married we're in no rush (REPEAT NO RUSH) to have kids. I have a four legged child (C) and there are nights I'm ready to give her back (love you C).

I was asked twice this weekend if I was having kids. I basically take this as "are you having unprotected sex?" It's just as nosy. If I could say anything I would answer with the following:

1. Smile happily and reply, "We're not having kids. As in ever. We hate them. They're like slobbery monsters that wreck your house, steal your money and you can never have fun again."

2. Break down crying. "We tried but we can't."

3. "I'm waiting until my twenty year supply of birth control pills runs out... wouldn't want to waste money."

4. "Why are you going to pay for them to go to college because I sure as hell can't afford it?"

5. "Thanks for reminding me. I knew there was something I forgot to do this year."

6. "Not anytime soon. So how's your sex life?"

7. "I've been watching so much Sixteen and Pregnant I think it's better to wait until I can afford it, am more prepared and not loving MTV shows about pregnant teens."

8. "Could you explain the birds and the bees to me... I think we're doing something wrong."

I'm sure I could think of other great comebacks but it's been a long day.

I think it's ridiculous that I got asked that question twice in one weekend. I know it was Valentine's Day and people are thinking love but I personally don't think of love and screaming infants in the same sentence. My biological clock is on snooze at the moment and is perfectly content living my kid-free selfish life.

So I don't want this to come across as me hating kids. I don't hate them. They're perfectly fine when they're someone else's. I'm sure eventually I'll want kids. But I don't like getting asked all the time about what we want to do. I felt the same way about the marriage question. It was just as annoying. Just as nosy. I finally started saying, we're committed but we're not planning anything yet. Or the defense teen approach - I don't know. I wasn't pushing for a ring. I was happy. What we had was working for us. Our adventure said not yet...

The thing with the kid question - I get it a lot more in the South then I ever did living up North. They were talking about the Baby question on Cosmo one day and they said they thought it was a regional thing. In NYC it's nothing for a first time mom to be in her late thirties, the girls proclaimed. In TX, she's probably considered an old maid and dried up by 25 if she's single and childless. I'm not going to say everywhere down South or in the Mid-West is pushing their daughters into a MRS degree. But I will say culturally small towns are probably more accepting of younger moms.

So here is my final thought. I know this is a long post. Have some tactic people. There are ways to ask the question. If you don't know the person a simple - "oh are you married yet? do you have kids?" will suffice. If you know them and you're just dying to know - it's ok to ask once or maybe twice.... but time it right - say you're watching a commericial with babies in it, a baby walks by, you see an engagement ring, you're at a wedding, etc. And if you ask and the person snaps back at you to mind your own business you can't be upset. The question is kind of nosy.

Week 7 of the 52 Week Challenge

This week - do something nice for someone you love without expecting anything in return.

This means: pay for someone's lunch, send them a card, call them just to listen (no interrupting with your advice, stories, etc), buy someone flowers, help someone move, anything but you can't accept anything in return.

So it doesn't count if you go to dinner and you pay and then they buy dessert. Or if you help them move and then they pay for your lunch. You have to do it completely and utterly no strings attached.

It can be as small as saying something nice to someone (you look nice today) - it doesn't have to be big or cost money.

And you're not technically doing something for nothing. You're going to feel good about doing something nice so you are getting something out of it.

Good luck!

In Honor of V-Day Lets Talk About Love

Let's talk about love. Why shouldn't we? Today is the day when it is perfectly acceptable to walk around like a bunch of lovestruck teenagers. You can tell your significant other you love them every other second and they won't think you're trying to hit them up for a favor. And you can pig out on all the yummy food and desserts you want because Valentine's Day is technically a holiday.

There are a lot of advice books and magazines out there all aimed at getting and keeping a mate (I say mate here because we're talking men or women but going forward we're going from my POV so we're saying bf). So here are my "rules" for dating and staying in love.

1. Be yourself. You're fabulous so why would you ever pretend to be anything different. The thing is you can pretend to be someone else but after awhile he's going to catch on. So don't lie and say you're a huge baseball fan when really the thought of going to a game bores you to tears and don't say you never shop when the mall employees know you by name. Be yourself and if he doesn't like you then he wasn't Mr. Right.

2. Be yourself but monitor yourself. What? I thought you just said I'm supposed to be myself in all my fabulous glory. Well, you are... sorta. Here's the thing - there is no reason on the first date or the first month to mention that you once were in a fan club for any TV show, that you don't floss your teeth daily, or that there are some days where you are perfectly content never to get dressed. Be yourself but don't announce all your crazy idiosyncrasies right away. He'll figure most of your quirks out eventually and you don't want to be dubbed the crazy cat woman of Match.com.

3. Don't be too busy. What? All the women's magazines proclaim you should make him work for it. You should prove how popular and fabulous you are by never being available. Sure and then he's going to dump your ass for a girl that has more time for him. One thing that has stood out to me on this subject is something K said a year into us dating. When we first met I was super busy, it was my second semester at college, I was in a few clubs, I was constantly doing things. I decided to drop one of the clubs (not because of him but other reasons) shortly after we started dating. Anyway... he said "I'm glad you dropped that club. I never would have asked you to but I felt like you never had time to do anything and it was frustrating." Guys want a chase but they don't want to chase forever. Slow down a bit. You don't need to see your bff every day of the week, you don't need to be involved in every activity that comes your way - learn to say no to everyone else and yes to him. This doesn't mean give up everything you love, just give up the things you only sort of care about.

4. Keep separate likes and dislikes. K loves sports. I like them more than I used to but sports and I have a happy tolerance level of I'll go to a few games a year and the rest of the time he can happily watch alone or with friends. I like to write and read. K probably hasn't read a book since college. Be your own person. You don't have to do everything together. I know in 3 I said not to be too busy but 4 is be busy enough. You won't have anything to talk about if you sit around and watch CSI together three days a week. So find that happy balance that only the two of you will know. It probably means some relationships and activities will suffer but the ones you really care about will stick around.

5. Don't play games. This is so super huge I don't know when girls and guys will learn. Games are for little kids not for adults. If you really like someone there is no three day rule to prove you're fabulous girl/guy about town with a life, there's no I can't call him this time because I called him last... There are no games because your relationship is more important than who can one-up the other person.

6. Make time to just talk. This is also a biggie for me. K and I pretty much launched our relationship long distance and every night without fail we would talk online (IM was huge) or on the phone. We were never a lets text three hundred times a day couple and we weren't calling every five minutes but every night we would make time to just catch up. So just take a second to talk - find out what each other likes, dislikes, dreams about, etc.

7. Don't listen to other's for a timeline in your relationship. Do what feels right for the two of you. There is no one-size fits all timeline. Inevitably if you've been dating for any length of time you'll get the: are you serious, are you getting married, are you moving in together, are you having kids... questions. Don't look at what your bff is doing or what the Jones's are doing down the street. This is about the two of you. If you want to get married in three months and have a baby nine months later - do it. If you want to date ten years then have a baby five years after getting married - do it. It's what works for you. You don't have to answer to anyone.

8. Do things together. Couple dates are nice and going out with friends alone are great but you need time to do couple things. There's nothing quite like a weekend away to learn about each other. He could be content for hours on the beach while you need ten magazines just to make it through five minutes. You could be big into sightseeing and he prefer the hotel bar. It's a great learning experience out of your natural habitat.

9. Stop looking. I know you're going to say all married people say it happened when I wasn't looking but I think it's true. People who are looking usually read desperate and no one wants to date desperate. K mentions it sometimes - he'll say X tries to hard. Or Y needs to slow down. Or look at that girl over there. Guys can sense desperation a mile away. So slow down and take a deep breath and stop looking. Have fun. Go out with your friends. Live life. Love will happen on it's own time. And it does just happen.

10. Know when to give up. This means know when a relationship is over. Know when to walk away from a fight. Relationships aren't all about winning. It's about letting go of the little things. I try to say that to myself everyday - does it matter if he leaves his clothes on the floor? I'd like to say I never ask him to pick them up but there are somedays when it's just not worth the argument. It really isn't hurting anyone. And on the same token, I know some couples that make each other absolutely miserable - why live like that? So know when it's just not worth it to win or start a fight and know when some relationships are past the point of saving.

11. There are no rules. What? There were just 10 other rules that said there were rules. Yes and some of them are probably true but each couple is different and what works for me might not work for you. Find what works for the two of you as a couple and do exactly that. Rules are meant to be bent or broken. So have fun and just relax.

So what are your "rules"? I'll try to think of more for next Valentine's day. :)

Love Your Love The Most

Happy Early Valentine's Day! What are your plans? Well to get you in the mood - here a few current songs I think are perfect for the big day of love tomorrow. Enjoy!

Chris Young - Getting You Home

Song gives me goosebumps and that excited first date feeling every time I hear it.

Eric Church - Love Your Love The Most

Sinner's Like Me is probably one of the best country cd's I've heard in a while. This one is from Carolina and I haven't heard all the songs but the ones I heard are amazing. It's a good rock out love song because not everything has to be Barry White and candles.

Luke Bryan - Do I

So it's really about love that may or may not be ending but it's an awesome song. Makes me want to scream to K - I love you.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

Probably my favorite song of the moment.

Colbie Caillat - Falling For You

Perfectly captures that feeling when you first fall in love and you're not sure you should tell him because what if he doesn't feel the same...

Colbie Caillat - Realize

So the song is more about star-crossed lovers but the video is so perfectly cute with the two writing each other letters and driving to see each other you just want them to make it.

Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift - Two is Better Than One

Because we all need to remember what it felt like to love someone so completely as these group of teens.

Ok that's all I can think of right now... what would you add?

5 Words of Wisdom for Driving in the Snow

VA is the New Antarctica. Since Southerners (yes we're Southern despite what all the Northern VA people want to believe) don't have experience driving in the snow here is my advice for safe travel.

1. For all the Northerners and Mid-Westerners that moved here shut up about how VA never plows the road and in my state we do this... This is what I hear: I'm a big jackass that thinks I'm important. Let me rant about something that is out of my control and out of the control of anyone I'm talking to. You have a problem? Take it up with VDOT. Or better yet, if you liked your state so much - move back.

If you decide to stay here, then this is what you need to know: we stock up on enough bread and milk to last two weeks, we hunker down and don't go out in snow, and no we don't plow. Why would we need to plow? No one is going anywhere.

2. For all the people with 4-wheel drive who think they jumped out of a truck commercial. News flash - see that fine print at the bottom of the screen as that SUV takes on a snowbank and wins. It says professional driver on a closed course. You're not a professional driver and there is no reason for you to be driving 80 mph and tailgating me when it's snowing. Do you see those cars in the ditch? Slow down or they may be you.

3. If your normally drive like a jackass - i.e. tailgating, honking your horn, cutting people off - please stop on a snow day. Everyone is going slow. You know the lane ends so just move over. People can't stop on a dime in bad weather and if you cut me off and I slide into you - my feeling is it's not my fault.

4. Again everyone with 4-wheel drive - if you see a car sliding in front of you, you probably shouldn't try to pass them in the same lane. They aren't in the shoulder - they're sliding off the road trying to correct themselves. You passing them would probably mean you're a jerk. The driver of the car doesn't need your ass distracting them as you blow past them with a cellphone and Starbucks in hand and since I'm in the next lane - I don't want either one of you plowing into me.

5. Don't jam your brakes or your gas. Ok this is a real tip because I want everyone to be careful and not plow into my car. If you jam the brake or the gas you'll probably slide and lose traction.

Would you rather...

I get invited to random conferences, educational seminars, etc. on a fairly regular basis. I actually secretly like them – one because I like to learn new things (otherwise I wouldn’t keep trying to go back to school) and two because it breaks up the day a bit. I just got invited to a lunch meeting next week.

Let’s sidebar for a second and talk about lunch meetings. Here is my acceptable list of food for a lunch meeting: Panera who doesn’t like a regular old turkey sandwich or some other variety of deli meat, chicken breast with some sort of vegetable (thinking green beans or carrots – something a lot of people universally like), hamburgers or hotdogs (had them at one conference, it’s different I’ll go with it), salad, pasta… Basically the point of a lunch at a conference is basic universally pleasing food. This isn’t the time to test your new cooking skills on a captive group of 50 plus attendants.

So I clicked on the registration form and started to sign up. I got to meal choices: seafood crepes with shrimp and crab, potatoes and asparagus or the vegetarian choice of mushroom soufflé and asparagus. This is what I heard in my head would you rather eat bugs or dirt, worse or worser. Sick! I almost decided against going to the conference.

First off let’s talk about why these are bad choices: 1. People are allergic to shellfish – as in people die from eating it. 2. There are people out there (me being one of them) who avoid seafood at all costs. I am very proud of the fact I haven’t eaten seafood since I was 5 years old. It smells funny. I see no point in eating it. I’m perfectly happy with chicken. I don’t need to eat over-grown head lice (Google it – I read somewhere head lice and shrimp are related, as are crabs and spiders). If that doesn’t make you want to throw up then I can’t help you. 3. Mushrooms – really? I also don’t eat mushrooms. I think they’re sick. I know I’m not alone. Offer someone a Portobello burger or a hamburger and watch how many choose option 2. And 4. Asparagus? I know a lot of people who hate asparagus (again me being one of them). What did good old green beans do to you that they can’t be on the menu?

I don't think I'm being picky here. I think seafood crepes and mushroom soufflé are basically up there as classic do not picks for lunch meetings. I get you're trying to be fancy and sophisticated but you couldn't dress up a good old chicken breast?

Basically in my head this menu sounds like my worst nightmare (aside from any weird things they eat on Survivor). It was basically that game of Would You Rather and someone rattles off two horrible choices and you have to pick which you’d rather have happen to you. I picked mushrooms. But I plan to not eat and grab a burger on the way back to work.

And to make it worse, this same group had lunch a few months ago where they weren’t kind enough to tell you their sick menu choices in advance and so I had selected non-vegetarian option. They sat in front of me a non-descript piece of meat with a slice of lemon on top. Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish? Ran through my head. It didn’t give off any weird fish odor but didn’t look like chicken. I was not taking any chances. I picked at my roll and drank lots of water. The waiter came by (and let’s say he was trying to be nice and helpful) but I felt like he was basically screaming “what you don’t like fish?” to everyone. I begged off that I was allergic and he ran back with a vegetarian lasagna which in the scheme of things was okay (better than mushroom soufflé).

Make C Your Superbowl MVP

Well not quite but she could be Bissell's MVP... vote today! And for those of you that have - THANK YOU!! :) If the link doesn't work search "Charlotte" under this week's pets.

Week 6 of the 52 Week Challenge

So how did day dreaming go? That was pretty easy right. I actually found myself stressing a bit that I wasn't day dreaming enough. But I did find that my mind tends to wander on the drive home (safe) and in the shower. I think through my day or just escape to someone a little less cold and snowy!

So this week, lets think spring and Spring Clean Your Closets. I was in cleaning mode already (due to being stuck in my house the last three weekends) so I have a nice pile for the Goodwill. I got rid of a few things that I've been holding on to for awhile - slip dresses will make a come back one day! Most of the things I started to purge were long since overdue. I haven't worn them in awhile and holding on to them is only taking up room I could be using on fun new clothes.

So this week go through at least one closet. Throw stuff away you don't need. Give away clothes you don't want. Or you may find you need absolutely everything - in that case... call that show where they make the hoarders throw out their collection of newspapers from the last ten years - you may need help.

HGTV Now Staring Me...

Well ok not quite. But I have to say I wouldn't mind if they came to my house and helped me spruce it up a bit!

Shopping for a house was the most stressful and exciting thing I have ever done. S had told me before we started looking "you'll just know". I thought I would never "know". We went in at least forty houses. Some were really nice. They had all the requirements that went in my head - at least three bedrooms and two baths, a laundry room, a good size kitchen... check check check... but I never felt like it was the right house. I would nitpick over their carpet (in my defense one house had all pink carpet). I dreamed about this house I had called Kiwi for the name of the street. K and I had visited Kiwi at an open house and I loved it. It didn't matter Kiwi was probably at least $50,000 over budget. I dreamed they would drop the price or tried to think of ways to get rich quick. Alas, Kiwi sold to someone else.

Then there was the house, let's call it Almost Perfect, that had everything we wanted. I walked through getting more excited with each room. A huge front porch, a dining room, a good size kitchen, a laundry room, four bedrooms (what I would do with all the space who knows), upgrades... then we went on the deck and the backyard was the size of a post-it note. Literally I could walk off the back deck and into the neighbor's yard. I wanted to cry. I couldn't give up the yard. I didn't want a crazy big farm property but I was moving to the suburbs so I wasn't settling for a lot I could get in the city. Plus, I was thinking resale in a mostly family oriented neighborhood - the lot would never fly.

Then we saw our house. The one we bought. I remember it was at night. It was winter so things got dark quick. Inside the house was almost a mirror image of Almost Perfect - minus a bay window and big porch. And Our House had the yard - a pretty good size one in fact. Except, Our House wasn't upgraded - and by not upgraded I mean not polished at all. Builder's grade everything, mismatched appliances, hideous paint choices, tacky wallpaper, stained carpet. I had walked away from houses for less than this.

"I want it," I proclaimed. I think K almost died of shock. "This is it." I knew it was the one. I could see past the gold and purple dining room, the dated wallpapered kitchen. I could see us here.

Our House has taught me a lot over the last few years. One, once you have a house all your money suddenly gets spent at Home Depot and Lowe's. There is always something to be done. Check one project off (replace the rotting front porch) and add another - get new lighting. HGTV becomes one of your favorite channels. Decorating tips - check, home improvement ideas - check, property virgins stumbling over houses - check, lawn and garden - check.

But most of all I've learned about myself. I've always had a "it can't be that hard" attitude. But I never really helped out that much at my parent's house. I would drag my feet and complain about raking leaves, argue over picking up my dirty clothes, etc. But suddenly I was spending 9 hours a day at work and driving to the new house to rip down wallpaper (vinegar and hot water works way better than any chemicals you can buy), painting, learning how to take down and replace lights, oh and did I mention there was a good foot of leaves and debris in the backyard that had to be cleared out.

This weekend I replaced four more lights - two by myself to surprise K. My hands and back ache but I feel accomplished. Two years ago, I would have complained loudly that I didn't want to or know how to do it, this morning I woke up ready to make the changes and just get it done.

Am I master carpenter? Hardly. But I've learned there's nothing like asking someone how to do it and Google to quickly become an amateur. And the feeling that I'm the one who gets to polish this house up a bit is priceless. I can see it going from neglected to a sparkling diamond and I'm happy to fork over all my extra cash for improvements. I feel satisfied when they are done and I'm loving all the results. Sometimes I walk by Almost Perfect. It would have been easier to move into that house with it's nice paint job, upgraded appliances and lighting, and newer bathrooms, but I don't think I would have had quite the experience I've had with Our House. If everything happens for a reason then Our House was here to show me I can do it and with a little elbow grease I can turn this house into perfection.

Dating Friends

No this isn't a relationship post... well not that sort of relationship post anyway. I want to talk about how you go about making friends or keeping the friends you have... Some magazine I read a while back compared meeting a new friend to dating a new guy. Their take was you have to "date" the friend just like you would the potential bf.

SP and I have talked about this so I'm not the only one who read this and was like "Um yeah that's exactly right." Basically meeting and keeping friends is the same as meeting and keeping a boyfriend or girlfriend -there's just no ring, white picket fence and dog at the end of it. But you will have years of memories to laugh about in the nursing home.

I will say from experience I have had potential friends "date" me that left me wanting to run for the hills. For example:

I've had the "jealous ex-boyfriend friend". Jealous was fine when I had basically no other friends but her. We were great. We would meet for dinner, chat about life, and were generally on the path to bff-hood. Then I met some new people. Suddenly I didn't have as much free time. I tried to include Jealous but she didn't want to come. We started to drift apart. Jealous would call me and ask what I was doing, was I hanging out with so-and-so again. She didn't think so-and-so liked her. On and on. I finally stopped returning her calls. I felt guilty about it but then I realized I didn't need the drama or the feeling I had to check in with her.

So what's a girl to do when she meets a fabulous potential new friend? You can't come on too strong and start planning your friendship out for years to come. You can't call constantly and invite said potential friend out every chance you get. But you can't hang back and wait for her to call you because what if she doesn't call?

My thought - you treat it like you would a potential new bf or gf. You "date" them. You want to be that fun, fabulous girl she can't live without. The goal is to be (like on a first date) a more fabulous version of yourself. She can find out all your bad traits later after your established. You go slow and figure each other out. Said potential friend might end up being totally not your type. Maybe you're into walks on the river, bottles of wine and cheesy TV and their more of the sitting in the recliner, drinking beer, and watching PBS type of girl. Or potential friend could be your new BFF and soon you give up on the games and the waiting three days to call each other because you can't wait three seconds to tell her all your good news.

Here are my ideas for some good "Friend" dates. Let me know yours and what you think!

1. Invite her out to grab a glass of wine after work. It's low key and you can easily skip out if things don't go well. If you find that you have tons to talk about stick around for dinner.

2. Do something active. Invite her to your Zumba class or for a walk. You'll feel good about yourself for doing something healthy and it's an easy way to get to know each other.

3. Invite her to participate in a shared interest. Say you both like to write (I say this because I do). Invite her to your writing group. She'll meet other people with similar interest and you could grab a coffee afterwards and catch up on all the fun stuff you learned.

4. Grab coffee before work. Again, it's a quick mini-date so you can get out of there if things are heading south. As an added bonus, you'll feel refreshed that you did something fun in the morning while everyone else was sleeping.

Things to avoid:

1. Movies - you can't talk. What's the point until after you're established.

2. Shopping - can be good and bad. She may love all your favorite stores or you may find yourself dragging around for hours to places you can't stand. My advice on this - eye up her wardrobe. Does she dress similar to you - you may have a new shopping companion. No? Then go alone.

3. Inviting her out with all your other friends to Saturday night bar crawl. Sounds fun - why would you not invite her? First off, you don't really know her and a crowded loud bar isn't the place to get to know someone. Second, do you really want to invite a potential weirdo to meet all your friends. Sounds shallow but wait until you know her a bit better and then invite her into the group.

Vote for Charlotte

So followers please do me a huge favor and vote for my dog (C) on the Bissell site. If the button doesn't work... try this link:


http://mvp.bissell.com/mvp_PetDetail.aspx?id=8589975779

I would super appreciate it plus you get to see her cute picture.

Love you guys!

I'm Day Dreaming of Warm Weather....

Since VA has decided to turn into the Arctic, I for one have been daydreaming non-stop of Spring and Summer. My dreams revolving around a pool, vacations and less layers. Never again will I complain about 100 degree weather. Anything is better than all this snow!

I will say all this snow has inspired my Spring fashion - as in anything rainbow colored, the brighter the better. I went shopping after work for snow boots - apparently like sleds all the snow boots are gone until next year. But the shoe store happens to be next to Old Navy so... let's just say major props to the window designer at Old Navy. What better way to attract customers sick of all this cold weather, big puffy coats and dry skin then a bunch of brightly dressed mannequins screaming for you to come in and just slip into something a little bit brighter. And slip in I did. I quickly gathered up a bright florals, lime greens, lemon yellows, cool greys and scurried off to the dressing room.

I have to say I've always loved Old Navy. The clothes are relatively inexpensive. Slightly trendy but leaning more on comfortable. And their jeans fit me better than anything else I've found. So, I ended up buying more things than I should have and normally I totally would have waited for a sale but for some reason I couldn't make myself part with any of it. Besides which, due to all the snow my budget is looking pretty good. You can't spend money if you can't leave your house!

So what I'm loving after this trip - aside from all the tropical colors - grey jeans (they also had some super cute baby pink ones but they were cropped pants which don't look good on anyone under 5'6"), bright summer/spring scarfs, ballet flats, slightly 80's vibe t's... they also had some cute purses/totes that were very earth friendly looking but with a "painted" design on the front. For the jeans I think the spring colors were much easier to wear than the previous neon jeans that paraded around summer/fall '09. They had a grey, white, pale blue and baby pink. I actually found a second pair of grey ones on the clearance rack - even better!

So think spring people! Oh and if you know a place where I can get some snow boots asap let me know.

Book Review: Hotel On The Corner of Bitter and Sweet

I read a lot and by a lot I mean on average at least two to three books a week on a slow week. I like a lot of what I read but since I read so many different books it takes something really different to stand out and make me say wow that was a really great book. I can count on my hand the number of books I've read in the last few years that were those wow books for me. Hotel On The Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford is one of them. I literally got chills today reading one of the chapters.

I was going to wait and review this book after book club but I can just add a new post once we discuss - maybe they felt differently. My feeling? Five stars, hands down one of the best books I've read in awhile.

A brief plot summary: Henry is a Chinese boy growing up in Seattle during World War II. His parents want him to be more American so he goes to an all white school. He doesn't fit in with the white kids, the Chinese kids or at home. He meets Keiko, a Japanese girl, at school. Eventually they become friends. And from there I won't give any more a way.

My one problem was the story starts when Henry and Keiko are 12 and we're supposed to believe that they are in love. I don't know about you but maybe kids grew up quicker back then. I can't imagine falling in love at 12. I'm willing to overlook their age though because the book is so well-written. It really drew me in - there is conflict on so many levels. Henry and his family. Henry and the other students. The war. Chinese vs. Japanese. The Japanese internment in the US. Finding the long lost record. I was rooting for Henry and Keiko to be happy and to some how make it all work.

So if you have only one book to read for 2010 this would be my pick - although its early in the year anything could happen.