Oh Baby!

Ok so I think my post yesterday came across a little anti-baby and I'm afraid my mom might read it and have a heart attack or something. So here is what I'm going to say on the topic.

1. I don't hate kids. I just don't want any of my own right now.

I think a lot of people have kids without thinking it through (see Teen Mom, Sixteen and Pregnant for references). They're people that for whatever reason: poor planning, the biological clock is a ticking, whatever, that don't think through the whole baby thing and then the baby arrives and surprise - I didn't know babies stayed up all night crying, I didn't know babies costs more money, etc. It's like they live in this dream world and when the bubble breaks its up to everyone else to clean up the pieces.

So here's my thoughts on when you should/shouldn't have kids:

1. When you're unselfish enough to give up things you love so they can do things they love. This is big for me. Children, like dogs, have their own likes and dislikes. I can't force C to do things she doesn't want to do and it's not fair to her to lock her up 6 days a week so I can play with her for an hour on the 7th because it suits my schedule. A baby/child is the same way. This is a living breathing human being with their own needs, likes, dislikes, etc. You can't just keep running around doing exactly what you want to do with no thought to what they want to do. You have to sit through boring dance recitals and help them learn the Declaration of Independence. So if you have any ounce of selfishness still left - I don't think now is the time.

I know some people are going to argue that you'll change but most people I know don't change so....

2. You have money. My dad always says if you wait until you can afford it you'll never have kids. Yes, that's true. BUT if you're strapped for cash and don't know where your next meal is coming from then maybe you should wait a year or two to get back on your feet, save up some money. Come on, a year or two won't kill you and you'll probably be glad you waited. You'll be able to enjoy the baby more and stress about finances less.

3. You have to really want one, not do it because it's the "next step." I talked a lot about the plan yesterday. And I think a lot of couples think there are natural steps to a relationship. You meet. You date. You get engaged. You get married. You buy a house. Now what? I need a big life event that I can tell all my friends about.... oh I know let's have a baby. Stupid reason. If you're not ready a baby is not the next step for you at this point.

4. All your friends are doing. Great reason. And if all your friend's jumped off a bridge - would you? Don't let them peer pressure you into baby fever. Ask yourself - are you wanting a baby because holding theirs for two hours is super cute and fun and you can go to Mommy and Me classes together or do you want one because you really want.

5. You both want to take the baby plunge. I don't believe in tricking someone into have kids. You're going to end up with a resentful partner. So make sure - are you both on the same page.

There are probably more reasons but I don't have time right now. My main point is no one else can decide for you when is the right time. And they shouldn't peer pressure you into it because of some clock they have in their head. It's not that I hate kids. I'm realistic enough to know at this point in my life they don't make sense for me.