In Honor of V-Day Lets Talk About Love

Let's talk about love. Why shouldn't we? Today is the day when it is perfectly acceptable to walk around like a bunch of lovestruck teenagers. You can tell your significant other you love them every other second and they won't think you're trying to hit them up for a favor. And you can pig out on all the yummy food and desserts you want because Valentine's Day is technically a holiday.

There are a lot of advice books and magazines out there all aimed at getting and keeping a mate (I say mate here because we're talking men or women but going forward we're going from my POV so we're saying bf). So here are my "rules" for dating and staying in love.

1. Be yourself. You're fabulous so why would you ever pretend to be anything different. The thing is you can pretend to be someone else but after awhile he's going to catch on. So don't lie and say you're a huge baseball fan when really the thought of going to a game bores you to tears and don't say you never shop when the mall employees know you by name. Be yourself and if he doesn't like you then he wasn't Mr. Right.

2. Be yourself but monitor yourself. What? I thought you just said I'm supposed to be myself in all my fabulous glory. Well, you are... sorta. Here's the thing - there is no reason on the first date or the first month to mention that you once were in a fan club for any TV show, that you don't floss your teeth daily, or that there are some days where you are perfectly content never to get dressed. Be yourself but don't announce all your crazy idiosyncrasies right away. He'll figure most of your quirks out eventually and you don't want to be dubbed the crazy cat woman of Match.com.

3. Don't be too busy. What? All the women's magazines proclaim you should make him work for it. You should prove how popular and fabulous you are by never being available. Sure and then he's going to dump your ass for a girl that has more time for him. One thing that has stood out to me on this subject is something K said a year into us dating. When we first met I was super busy, it was my second semester at college, I was in a few clubs, I was constantly doing things. I decided to drop one of the clubs (not because of him but other reasons) shortly after we started dating. Anyway... he said "I'm glad you dropped that club. I never would have asked you to but I felt like you never had time to do anything and it was frustrating." Guys want a chase but they don't want to chase forever. Slow down a bit. You don't need to see your bff every day of the week, you don't need to be involved in every activity that comes your way - learn to say no to everyone else and yes to him. This doesn't mean give up everything you love, just give up the things you only sort of care about.

4. Keep separate likes and dislikes. K loves sports. I like them more than I used to but sports and I have a happy tolerance level of I'll go to a few games a year and the rest of the time he can happily watch alone or with friends. I like to write and read. K probably hasn't read a book since college. Be your own person. You don't have to do everything together. I know in 3 I said not to be too busy but 4 is be busy enough. You won't have anything to talk about if you sit around and watch CSI together three days a week. So find that happy balance that only the two of you will know. It probably means some relationships and activities will suffer but the ones you really care about will stick around.

5. Don't play games. This is so super huge I don't know when girls and guys will learn. Games are for little kids not for adults. If you really like someone there is no three day rule to prove you're fabulous girl/guy about town with a life, there's no I can't call him this time because I called him last... There are no games because your relationship is more important than who can one-up the other person.

6. Make time to just talk. This is also a biggie for me. K and I pretty much launched our relationship long distance and every night without fail we would talk online (IM was huge) or on the phone. We were never a lets text three hundred times a day couple and we weren't calling every five minutes but every night we would make time to just catch up. So just take a second to talk - find out what each other likes, dislikes, dreams about, etc.

7. Don't listen to other's for a timeline in your relationship. Do what feels right for the two of you. There is no one-size fits all timeline. Inevitably if you've been dating for any length of time you'll get the: are you serious, are you getting married, are you moving in together, are you having kids... questions. Don't look at what your bff is doing or what the Jones's are doing down the street. This is about the two of you. If you want to get married in three months and have a baby nine months later - do it. If you want to date ten years then have a baby five years after getting married - do it. It's what works for you. You don't have to answer to anyone.

8. Do things together. Couple dates are nice and going out with friends alone are great but you need time to do couple things. There's nothing quite like a weekend away to learn about each other. He could be content for hours on the beach while you need ten magazines just to make it through five minutes. You could be big into sightseeing and he prefer the hotel bar. It's a great learning experience out of your natural habitat.

9. Stop looking. I know you're going to say all married people say it happened when I wasn't looking but I think it's true. People who are looking usually read desperate and no one wants to date desperate. K mentions it sometimes - he'll say X tries to hard. Or Y needs to slow down. Or look at that girl over there. Guys can sense desperation a mile away. So slow down and take a deep breath and stop looking. Have fun. Go out with your friends. Live life. Love will happen on it's own time. And it does just happen.

10. Know when to give up. This means know when a relationship is over. Know when to walk away from a fight. Relationships aren't all about winning. It's about letting go of the little things. I try to say that to myself everyday - does it matter if he leaves his clothes on the floor? I'd like to say I never ask him to pick them up but there are somedays when it's just not worth the argument. It really isn't hurting anyone. And on the same token, I know some couples that make each other absolutely miserable - why live like that? So know when it's just not worth it to win or start a fight and know when some relationships are past the point of saving.

11. There are no rules. What? There were just 10 other rules that said there were rules. Yes and some of them are probably true but each couple is different and what works for me might not work for you. Find what works for the two of you as a couple and do exactly that. Rules are meant to be bent or broken. So have fun and just relax.

So what are your "rules"? I'll try to think of more for next Valentine's day. :)