Dating Friends

No this isn't a relationship post... well not that sort of relationship post anyway. I want to talk about how you go about making friends or keeping the friends you have... Some magazine I read a while back compared meeting a new friend to dating a new guy. Their take was you have to "date" the friend just like you would the potential bf.

SP and I have talked about this so I'm not the only one who read this and was like "Um yeah that's exactly right." Basically meeting and keeping friends is the same as meeting and keeping a boyfriend or girlfriend -there's just no ring, white picket fence and dog at the end of it. But you will have years of memories to laugh about in the nursing home.

I will say from experience I have had potential friends "date" me that left me wanting to run for the hills. For example:

I've had the "jealous ex-boyfriend friend". Jealous was fine when I had basically no other friends but her. We were great. We would meet for dinner, chat about life, and were generally on the path to bff-hood. Then I met some new people. Suddenly I didn't have as much free time. I tried to include Jealous but she didn't want to come. We started to drift apart. Jealous would call me and ask what I was doing, was I hanging out with so-and-so again. She didn't think so-and-so liked her. On and on. I finally stopped returning her calls. I felt guilty about it but then I realized I didn't need the drama or the feeling I had to check in with her.

So what's a girl to do when she meets a fabulous potential new friend? You can't come on too strong and start planning your friendship out for years to come. You can't call constantly and invite said potential friend out every chance you get. But you can't hang back and wait for her to call you because what if she doesn't call?

My thought - you treat it like you would a potential new bf or gf. You "date" them. You want to be that fun, fabulous girl she can't live without. The goal is to be (like on a first date) a more fabulous version of yourself. She can find out all your bad traits later after your established. You go slow and figure each other out. Said potential friend might end up being totally not your type. Maybe you're into walks on the river, bottles of wine and cheesy TV and their more of the sitting in the recliner, drinking beer, and watching PBS type of girl. Or potential friend could be your new BFF and soon you give up on the games and the waiting three days to call each other because you can't wait three seconds to tell her all your good news.

Here are my ideas for some good "Friend" dates. Let me know yours and what you think!

1. Invite her out to grab a glass of wine after work. It's low key and you can easily skip out if things don't go well. If you find that you have tons to talk about stick around for dinner.

2. Do something active. Invite her to your Zumba class or for a walk. You'll feel good about yourself for doing something healthy and it's an easy way to get to know each other.

3. Invite her to participate in a shared interest. Say you both like to write (I say this because I do). Invite her to your writing group. She'll meet other people with similar interest and you could grab a coffee afterwards and catch up on all the fun stuff you learned.

4. Grab coffee before work. Again, it's a quick mini-date so you can get out of there if things are heading south. As an added bonus, you'll feel refreshed that you did something fun in the morning while everyone else was sleeping.

Things to avoid:

1. Movies - you can't talk. What's the point until after you're established.

2. Shopping - can be good and bad. She may love all your favorite stores or you may find yourself dragging around for hours to places you can't stand. My advice on this - eye up her wardrobe. Does she dress similar to you - you may have a new shopping companion. No? Then go alone.

3. Inviting her out with all your other friends to Saturday night bar crawl. Sounds fun - why would you not invite her? First off, you don't really know her and a crowded loud bar isn't the place to get to know someone. Second, do you really want to invite a potential weirdo to meet all your friends. Sounds shallow but wait until you know her a bit better and then invite her into the group.