5 Words of Wisdom for Driving in the Snow

VA is the New Antarctica. Since Southerners (yes we're Southern despite what all the Northern VA people want to believe) don't have experience driving in the snow here is my advice for safe travel.

1. For all the Northerners and Mid-Westerners that moved here shut up about how VA never plows the road and in my state we do this... This is what I hear: I'm a big jackass that thinks I'm important. Let me rant about something that is out of my control and out of the control of anyone I'm talking to. You have a problem? Take it up with VDOT. Or better yet, if you liked your state so much - move back.

If you decide to stay here, then this is what you need to know: we stock up on enough bread and milk to last two weeks, we hunker down and don't go out in snow, and no we don't plow. Why would we need to plow? No one is going anywhere.

2. For all the people with 4-wheel drive who think they jumped out of a truck commercial. News flash - see that fine print at the bottom of the screen as that SUV takes on a snowbank and wins. It says professional driver on a closed course. You're not a professional driver and there is no reason for you to be driving 80 mph and tailgating me when it's snowing. Do you see those cars in the ditch? Slow down or they may be you.

3. If your normally drive like a jackass - i.e. tailgating, honking your horn, cutting people off - please stop on a snow day. Everyone is going slow. You know the lane ends so just move over. People can't stop on a dime in bad weather and if you cut me off and I slide into you - my feeling is it's not my fault.

4. Again everyone with 4-wheel drive - if you see a car sliding in front of you, you probably shouldn't try to pass them in the same lane. They aren't in the shoulder - they're sliding off the road trying to correct themselves. You passing them would probably mean you're a jerk. The driver of the car doesn't need your ass distracting them as you blow past them with a cellphone and Starbucks in hand and since I'm in the next lane - I don't want either one of you plowing into me.

5. Don't jam your brakes or your gas. Ok this is a real tip because I want everyone to be careful and not plow into my car. If you jam the brake or the gas you'll probably slide and lose traction.